Swipe Left on the Nonsense: A Millennial's Guide to Dating Apps Without Losing Your Mind

Ah, dating apps—the modern-day wild west where emojis are the new love letters, and "What's up?" passes for an opening line. Navigating this digital landscape can feel like a full-time job, but fear not. With a little savvy and a lot of humor, you can swipe your way to love (or at the very least, like) without losing your sanity.

1. The Gym Selfie Guy

He has abs for days and wants you—and the rest of the world—to know it.

• Bio Highlights: "Work hard, play hard," accompanied by flexing emojis.
• Red Flags:
• All photos are taken in the gym—does he ever leave?
• His strongest relationship is with his protein shake.
• Constantly talking about his workout routines and gains.

Swipe Decision: Left, unless you're into protein shakes and leg day discussions. If his idea of a good time is bench pressing while you’re trying to have a conversation, it’s time to swipe left (unless that's your jam).

2. Mr. "Here for a Good Time, Not a Long Time"

I mean, at least he's upfront about his intentions.

• Bio Highlights: "Not looking for anything serious," winky face.
• Red Flags:
• Overuse of party pics and scantily clad selfies.
• Vague about his intentions beyond "having fun."
• Little to no mention of interests or hobbies.

Swipe Decision: Left, unless a no-strings fling is exactly what you're after. If commitment phobia is his middle name, it’s best to pass.

3. The Dog Lover Using His Dog as Bait

Pup is cute, is he?

• Bio Highlights: "Swipe right if you love dogs!"
• Red Flags:
• Profile photos are 90% dog pics, 10% blurry selfies.
• No mention of himself outside of his furry friend.
• Uses the dog to mask lack of personality or commitment.

Swipe Decision: Proceed with caution. While a cute dog is a plus, ensure you're interested in dating him, not just adopting his pet.

4. The World Traveler

He's climbed Everest, swum with dolphins, and eaten bugs in Thailand.

• Bio Highlights: "Citizen of the world," passport emojis galore.

Red Flags:

• Constantly away on adventures—sometimes for months at a time.
• His stories sound a bit too good to be true.
• Little mention of his current location or future plans.

Swipe Decision: Right if you're up for adventure and intermittent dating. Left if you prefer stability and someone who isn’t always jet-setting across the globe.

Be Authentic

• Photos:
  • Use recent pictures that genuinely represent you.
  • Include a variety of shots: solo, with friends (but not in every photo), and engaging in activities you love.
  • Avoid excessive filters or heavily edited photos—authenticity is key.

Variety is Key: Show different aspects of your life—hiking, cooking, reading, or even a candid moment. This gives potential matches a well-rounded view of who you are.

Bio Basics

• Keep It Light: A touch of humor goes a long way. A witty one-liner or a funny anecdote can make your profile stand out.
• Highlight Interests: Mention hobbies or passions to spark conversation. Whether you’re a foodie, a bookworm, or a marathon runner, let your interests shine.
• Avoid Clichés: Phrases like "I love to laugh" or "Looking for my partner in crime" are overdone and don’t convey much about you. Be specific and unique.
  

Clear Intentions

• What Are You Looking For? Whether it’s a serious relationship, friendship, or casual dating, being upfront saves time and aligns expectations.
• Deal Breakers: If there are non-negotiables, it’s okay to mention them respectfully. This helps attract compatible matches and weed out those who don’t meet your criteria.

No Bio at All

If someone can’t be bothered to write a sentence, how invested will they be in getting to know you? A blank bio often indicates a lack of effort or interest.

Group Photos Only

It's like the Where's Waldo of dating. Ain't nobody got time for that. It’s hard to identify who you’re supposed to be interested in when every photo is a group shot.

Overly Sexual Comments

If the conversation turns explicit too soon, it's a major red flag. Respect and genuine interest should come first, not just jumping straight into the bedroom talk.

Do:

• Personalize Your Messages: Reference something from their profile to show you’ve actually read it. Instead of a generic "Hey," try "I see you love hiking—what’s your favorite trail?"
• Be Respectful: Treat others as you'd like to be treated. Courtesy goes a long way in making a good first impression.
• Keep It Light: Early conversations should be fun and engaging. Share a joke or a light-hearted comment to break the ice.

Don't:

• Ghost: If you're not interested, a polite message is better than disappearing. It’s respectful and helps maintain dignity for both parties.
• Over-Share: Save the life stories for later. Keep initial conversations light and positive.
• Play Games: Honesty is the best policy. Don’t lead someone on or manipulate conversations to get what you want.

Public Place

Always choose a public location for first meetings. Coffee shops, restaurants, or parks are great options. It ensures your safety and provides a comfortable environment to get to know each other.

Tell a Friend

Let someone know where you’re going and who you’re meeting. Share details like the location and time. It’s a simple step that adds an extra layer of security.

Trust Your Gut

If something feels off, don’t hesitate to leave. I've watched enough true crime to know that our intuition is a powerful tool—use it to protect yourself from potentially harmful situations.

Trust Your Gut

Not to sound like a broken record, but your intuition is a powerful tool. If something feels off, it probably is. Don’t ignore those red flags just because you want the connection to work.

Quality Over Quantity

It's not about how many matches you get but the quality of those connections. Focus on meaningful conversations and genuine interests rather than swiping right on everyone.

Don't Take It Personally

Rejection happens. It’s not a reflection of your worth but rather a mismatch in compatibility. Don’t let it deter you from putting yourself out there.

Have Fun

At the end of the day, dating should be enjoyable. If it's causing more stress than happiness, it might be time for a break. Remember, the right swipe could be just around the corner.

Navigating the world of dating apps can be challenging, but it doesn't have to be a nightmare. By staying true to yourself, setting clear intentions, and maintaining a sense of humor, you can turn swiping into a positive experience. Remember to prioritize your well-being, stay safe, and have fun along the way.

So go ahead, put yourself out there, and remember: The right swipe could be just around the corner.

Happy swiping, and may the odds be ever in your favor.

XO M